“Don’t bring your mother to work.”
My client looked at me, bewildered. As I explained, I could tell that she’s joining the dots. In many of my clients’ work situations, there is a correlation between their home and work situations.
You see, my client grew up in a family where no boundaries are drawn. Children are expected to drop everything to attend to parents’ demands. They are guilt-tripped, talked down, and they have no sense of self. Their space, time, and decisions are not respected even though my clients are adults now. It is no wonder that they struggle to draw boundaries at work.
We need to see that setting healthy boundaries at work is critical for our well-being, productivity, and long-term success. Unfortunately, many people struggle with guilt because they are fearful that they will be perceived as lazy, uncooperative, or selfish. These are steps you can take in drawing boundaries without guilt:
Boundaries are Necessary to Keep Your Sanity
You can’t be working 24/7, expected to produce top quality work. Boundaries actually protect your mental health and prevent emotional meltdown or burnout. You are not being difficult but ensuring you are performing your best without sacrificing your well-being.
Sample Phrases:
- “I’m not available for calls outside work hours, but I’ll respond the first thing in the morning.”
- “I’m at full capacity now—can we discuss the redistribution of the tasks?”
- “I need to leave on time today for a personal commitment.” (No need to elaborate further.)
Identify Your Non-Negotiables
Consider your job demands, workload, communication preferences and personal time
- Decide what you need to be able to function well at work.
For instance, not responding to work emails after work, no last-minute requests without prior notice.
- Stay consistent by being firm and respectful.
Start Small with Non-Urgent Stuff
Learn not to respond to non-urgent tasks such as email or text messages after work hours. Tools like WhatsApp Business give people the idea that your number is a business account.
As you garner more confidence, you can enforce bigger limits.
Separate Work from Personal Time
Younger people these days strive to achieve work-life balance and they are also more vocal about it. Some people resort to using different phone numbers for work and personal reasons. If possible, turn off notifications from your phone and other electronic gadgets.
Communicate Clearly and Professionally.
- You may say, “I’m happy to help with this. Since I have other commitments this evening, I’ll prioritise it tomorrow morning.”
- “I’d love to take on this project but given my current workload, I’ll need to discuss the deadlines, delegation, or even extra staff.”
- Avoid JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, (Over)-Explain)
Provide Alternatives
- “I can’t take this on right now, but maybe [teammate X] has the capacity to do it?”
- “I have already got a few projects at-hand. If more time and manpower are allocated, I can consider doing it.
- “I can’t work late tonight, but I can work on it the first thing tomorrow and get it done.”
Reframe Guilt as Self-Respect
Often, guilt comes from the need to people-please. Saying no to overwork means saying yes to sustainability and productivity.
Would you judge your colleague for setting the same boundary? Then, extend that self-compassion to yourself.
Recognise Manipulation & Guilt-Tripping
Some workplaces glorify overworking. If your colleague reacts negatively to your boundaries, it’s their issue and not yours. You’re responsible for your own emotions and reactions, and not theirs. You’re responsible for your own mental health.
Healing from home to work
The ability in drawing boundaries with people on personal and work levels becomes a little easier when you start to heal from your family-of-origin issues. My client has started drawing boundaries with her mom, and now she is drawing some boundaries at work slowly and steadily. They are performing better at work, having a more balanced work-life balance, and are happy individuals!
You don’t have to be stuck in your job. You can draw boundaries without guilt!
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