Digital Parenting: How to help my kid in the digital age?

Are you feeling overwhelmed by your teen’s behavior or worried about their digital habits?

You’re not alone. As a family therapist, I meet many parents who are at their wit’s end-especially when their teens seem out of control, get into trouble, or are under investigation for serious issues like bullying or inappropriate conduct.

Why Are So Many Teens Struggling?

A major shift has taken place in childhood: the rise of the “phone-based generation.” Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation highlights how smartphones have replaced traditional play, contributing to a surge in adolescent mental health issues. With a phone, teens have instant access to everything-good and bad. Even well-meaning, trusting parents may underestimate the risks their children face online.

“We need to develop a more nuanced mental map of the digital landscape. Social media is not synonymous with the internet, smartphones are not equivalent to desktop computers or laptops… Almost all of it is more harmful to preteens than to older teens.”
-Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation

It’s tempting to respond either with fear-by banning devices altogether or adopt a convenience mentality and trusting them completely with no boundaries in place.  But parenting by fear nor by convenience help. 

My Journey as a Parent

Let me share a little of my own parenting journey. When my two sons were teenagers, our family was like many others-busy with work, school, and daily routines. Out of convenience, we gave them mobile phones, thinking it would help us stay connected and make life easier. At the time, we didn’t fully grasp the potential dangers that came with such easy access to the digital world.

We never thought much about setting boundaries for phone use-until one day, my son approached me, visibly unsettled. He confided that he couldn’t shake off the image of a naked manga character that had popped up in his WhatsApp group chat. That was a wake-up call for us. It was clear that we needed to be more intentional and proactive about how our children used their devices.

Setting boundaries wasn’t easy. As parents, acting as the “gatekeepers” of their phone usage often felt like an uphill battle. There were moments of frustration, and times when we wondered if it was worth the struggle. But looking back now, I’m grateful we persevered. Today, both my sons are in their twenties and thriving. That experience taught us the importance of being involved, setting limits, and having open conversations about the digital world.

What Can Parents Do?

Stories like mine are common, and they remind us that parenting in the digital age is a journey-sometimes messy, often challenging, but always worth it. If you’re facing similar struggles, know that you’re not alone. With patience, clear boundaries, and ongoing communication, you can help your children navigate the digital world safely and confidently.

Here’s some practical steps:

• Raise Awareness: Talk openly about both the benefits and dangers of digital devices. Make sure your child understands what’s at stake.
• Set Boundaries: Agree together on clear, healthy limits for phone and internet use. Accountability is key.
• Suggest Alternatives: Encourage activities beyond screens-sports, hobbies, or family outings.
• Start Early: If your child doesn’t have a phone yet, set guidelines and consequences before handing one over. Make sure they agree to your terms.
• Adjust as Needed: If your teen already has a phone and you wish you’d set clearer rules, it’s not too late. Have a conversation, reset expectations, and follow through together.

For more tips and resources, visit the Ministry of Education’s guide for parents:
MOE Grow Well SG – Supporting Families

Remember:

You don’t need to be a tech expert to help your child. What matters most is your willingness to learn, adapt, and grow alongside them. Your support and engagement make all the difference.

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